last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
