No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
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I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
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What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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