we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
