i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
