This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
