Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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