I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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