First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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