i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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