im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
