cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
