hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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