i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
