Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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