Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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