i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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