I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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