she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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