Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
