Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
