The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
