the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
