I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
