i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
