She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
