she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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