I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
