btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can vaginas get frostbite?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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