you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We left an ass print on the piano.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
