It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
