Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
