Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
