Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
