Don't EVER smell your tampon
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
They took my balls.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
