do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
