I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
