First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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