i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
