i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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