Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
