sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
