It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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