allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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