well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
So. Much. Porn.
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