420 ftw
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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