I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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