my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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