u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
