Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
