Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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