But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
