she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
