EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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