The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
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Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
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Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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