Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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