i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
