does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
