All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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