Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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