By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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